On Grief

You’re probably wondering where I’ve been. Sorry for being MIA. I just needed to be more present in my life from day to day.

I needed time to heal. To hurt safely. To grow. To find myself again. To cultivate my confidence. To get to know my fears. To choose faith over everything.As you know, these things take time. And time is exactly what I’ve been needing to become more healthy, whole and in alignment with who and what I was created and born to be.

And I’m still learning lessons, as I’m sure will be the case for the rest of my life. One thing I know is that grief doesn’t just disappear. If you don’t handle it head-on, it chased you down, it hides in the darkest places, it reminds you that you’ll never get away from it until you begin to face it.

Recently, the thing that I‘ve learned about grief is that around “the dates” – your loved one’s birthday, the day they passed, the day of their funeral/memorial, and any other dates that were significant between you and them – your body, spirit and soul remind you of the pain of their loss before your mind can realize what’s going on.

These are some of the best days of my life, purpose-chasing, dreaming, doing-wise. But earlier this week, I started feeling sad, and didn’t understand why until I looked back at why I all of a sudden felt the same way this past May, last May, and last October. May is when my favorite uncle Nell passed in 2016, and October 1st is his birthday.

What helped me through this past May was making a commitment to live in a way that honors our relationship, and how much he means to me; which is pursuing the life that we envisioned during our endless phone chats, uplifting conversations, and real moments.

So, I’m going to let the tears fall, but I’m also going to wipe them away, knowing that with each one, the ache in my heart is mending. I’m going to remind myself that I have so much life to live, not just for me, but for him. So be easy with people when their moods suddenly change. They might not even know what’s going on, but I can assure you that they’re going through something. Be love, always.

Be loved. Love you. Be love.

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