Life is a beautiful mix of pain, joy, the unknown, what we can see and can’t, life-changing moments, heart-shattering experiences and divine miracles.
Over the last few years, life has tried to break me with one family death after another, my brother going to prison, financial lack like I’ve never experienced before, intense depression and anxiety.
I’m relieved to say that the long, dark, treacherous storm is over! A rainbow of love, peace, comfort and strength surrounds me, the sun is shining bright, and everything is looking good!
So what changed?
Well, me, for one. Last week, a local 14-year-old interviewed me for her vlog about film and television, how to pursue your dreams, etc. After our time together, I felt so empowered, full of joy, confident and peaceful. I think it’s because I was not only speaking to her, but to my 14-year-old self. I was encouraging, affirming and loving the little girl inside of me who needed to hear everything I shared with her that day.
The second part of it is this. In May, I applied for Continuity STL’s filmmaking/media training program, and on July 5th I submitted my video for the second round of interviews. Last night, I received an email congratulating me on my acceptance into the program! They chose 10 people out of 101, and I made it! The timing of the program is absolutely perfect, truly divine and orchestrated by God.
This was my turning point. This past Sunday, I was volunteering on my church’s television team, operating the camera, when God told me, “This is where you’re supposed to be. Don’t ever doubt it again.”
All of my struggles, disappointments, frustrations and growing pains were worth it. So many times I’ve wanted to give up, and countless times I’ve flirted with doubt.
God has been speaking to me so clearly, and He is confirming my purpose, His plans for me and that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
In doing this, He has filled my heart, soul and mind with an abundance of pure, authentic confidence, which I’ve never experienced on this level before.
In the most difficult season of my life, I have learned so much about who I am, my capabilities, what God has built in me, and how loving myself unconditionally is part of my foundation.
So in this next chapter of my life, I’m choosing to do things differently. I’m taking my life back from the grasp of fear, insecurity, pain, comparison and lack by putting my confidence in God, and God alone.
Here are the beliefs and behaviors that I am leaving behind, including the ones I’m going to embrace:
- I am going to love all of who I am, as God’s creation, instead of comparing myself to others.
- I am going to allow faith to guide everything I think, say, believe and do instead of allowing fear to dictate what I think, say, believe or do.
- I will choose to please God with my decisions instead of trying to please people.
- I am going to let God guide me instead of letting people control or manipulate me.
- I will view pain, challenges, and seemingly unbearable moments as preparation for my future, as seasons to build, strengthen and refine who I am and everything I’m made of, to bring everything out of me that God put into me.
- I will put my confidence in and depend on God instead of other people, because He will make my dreams a reality.
- I will remind myself that God is all I need, and everything I will ever need! Although I might need people to help me, I can (and will) do it without them, if I must, through God, and His strength!
“I can do all things [which He has called me to do] through Him who strengthens and empowers me [to fulfill His purpose–I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency; I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses me with inner strength and confident peace.]” (Philippians 4:13, AMP)
I’m so thankful to God for keeping me during one of the most difficult times of my life! The Creator of the universe, stars, the sun, moon and sky loves me more than I can ever describe. I’m going to honor God with my life by choosing Him.
How do fear, brokenness, other people, difficult times and doubt influence the way you live, think and exist?
Be loved. Love you. Be love.
*Photo Credit: CreateHER Stock